201. Reasons Franklin urges young men to take an old mistress
Receiving emails from strangers who generously share their ideas after reading my work always feels like a truly exhilarating and satisfying moment.
I call them my real friends, unlike the term used for such an association, "virtual friend".
So, the new lady who joined my club a few weeks ago is named Clara. She is based in Chelsea, which she describes as one of the prettiest neighbourhoods in London.
Chelsea is situated adjacent to South Kensington, another London neighbourhood.
She has invited me for an evening drink and has written much about her neighbourhood.
She writes: the side streets in my area are bursting with beautifully painted, colourful houses, which look like a rainbow on a hot summer afternoon. The King’s Road is good for window shopping and the Embankment for Thames views.
Let us see when I will be meeting this 59-year-old damsel. She hasn’t shared her photo, but I have always found all my male friends handsome and my girlfriends attractive, appealing, lovable, cute, and wonderfully adorable.
Clara has shared a letter written by Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790), the American polymath, political philosopher, and statesman. Known as one of the founding fathers of the United States who signed the Declaration of Independence.
The content of the letter amused me, and I am still unable to connect the dots…...since, as much as I have read about Franklin, this letter fits nowhere. But since the lady has her source, I have to believe her.
Clara writes: “Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in 1745 listing reasons why men should date older women. He said they were more grateful, better company, and less likely to get pregnant. He ended it by saying, “All cats are grey in the dark.”
Read this hilarious letter -
June 25, 1745
My Dear Friend, I know of no medicine fit to diminish the violent natural inclination you mention, and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you.
Marriage is the proper remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the state in which you will find solid happiness.
Your reason against entering into it at present appears to be not well-founded. The circumstantial advantages you have in view by postponing it are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with the Thing itself, the being married and settled.
It is the Man and Woman united that make the complete Being. Separate, she wants his force of body and strength of reason; he her softness, sensibility, and acute discernment. Together, they are most likely to succeed in the world.
A single man has not nearly the value he would have in that state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors.
If you get a prudent, healthy wife, with her good economy, your industry in your profession will be sufficient for a fortune.
But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking that commerce with the sex is inevitable, then I repeat my former advice that in your amours you should prefer old Women to young ones.
This you call a Paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:
1. Because they have more knowledge of the world, and their minds are better stored with observations; their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.
2. Because when women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their influence over man, they supply the diminution of beauty by an augmentation of utility. They learn to do a thousand services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of friends when you are sick. Thus, they continue amiable. And hence, there is hardly such a thing to be found as an Old Woman who is not a good Woman.
3. Because there is no hazard of children, which are irregularly produced, may be attended with much inconvenience.
4. Because through more experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. The commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and regard to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might be inclined to excuse an old woman, who would kindly take care of a young man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.
5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part. The face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every knack being by practice capable of improvement.
6. Because the sin is less. The debauching of a virgin may be her ruin and make her life unhappy.
7. Because the compunction is less. Having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.
8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!
Thus, much for my Paradox. But still, I advise you to marry immediately, being sincere.
Your Affectionate Friend, Benj. Franklin
I find point number five has to be really appreciated and practised since it must have come from Franklin’s own experience.
Not everyone can say that ‘the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever.’ Only an experienced guy can speak so boldly about what is below the Girdle, and announce, as in the Dark all Cats are grey.
Franklin has summed up his wild experiences in the letter; the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal and frequently superior.
Remember the two words ‘frequently superior’.
Such a wealth of knowledge scattered across the pages of history must be made available to the new generation, and I congratulate Clara on sharing this letter with me, which I am sharing with you.
I also accept Clara’s kind invitation to have a drink one evening and kindly ask her to take me out so we can enjoy all the wonderful places she mentioned.
Looking forward to watching the rainbow on a hot summer afternoon.
(Top Picture: Rembrandt’s Mistress; courtesy Oldmasters.academy)